On October 23rd 2009 I had a heart attack that stopped my heart for 15 minutes. I was clinically dead for that time. I found myself in a meadow with trees and bushes etc in front of me in the distance. I saw there was this light inside and hovering over everything I could see, I could tell it was the life force, that somehow that life force was God. I also had the awareness that I had come through a darkness of some kind. A dark void. It was behind me as I stood in the meadow but I didn’t look back at it, I just knew it was there and that I had come through it. As I looked around me I tried to understand what was going on but I wasn’t thinking about it. I was just trying to comprehend it. I knew I was in the spiritual world or heaven or paradise.
There was the presence of God there, everywhere around me and this glow of light from behind the trees in front of me. I began to move forward looking around and I realized I was a presence too. I wasn’t aware that I had a body. I was like consciousness or something. Then I noticed a young man and woman who were hugging each other and dressed very scantily. They didn’t seem to be aware of me. They both looked perfect. Perfect bodies like a Greek statue and for a moment I wondered if I was looking at Adam and Eve. They seemed to be completely and totally in love with each other. I mean I could really feel their love for one another. Everything was so alive and harmonious. As I tried to take all this in a voice spoke in my mind and said, ‘ God is life ‘. I understood that to mean the life force I could see and feel that was everywhere in that place. It was a truly incredible experience.
I think I explained it well. But I will tell you its the after effects of this experience that is the main thing for me as it has changed my whole life. One thing that I have become aware of profoundly is that I didn’t learn to love myself. I am learning how to do that now. That’s part of why my life has been cleared out and I’m very sensitive to peoples energy now. Now I can sense who isnt good for me to be around. And I can also tell you that many many people are messed up and don’t know how to feel their feelings or express them. The majority of humans don’t know how to love. They just don’t know. They are afraid of love, of being vulnerable and authentic. They are trapped in ego roles. And it doesn’t matter if they are religious or not because its the same ego trip and role playing and disconnection from feelings and one another.
Now I’m learning how to navigate my way through this and not let it affect me the way it has for years. I navigate it by loving myself. I wasn’t shown how to do that growing up in my family. They taught me the complete opposite of that. So I am unlearning all I was taught by them now. I really don’t understand the way this world operates and I think it can be very very cruel and a harsh place to grow a soul. That’s how I feel about it right now. I don’t understand how a world like this can come from love at all. Even animals kill each other. Why does everything have to kill to survive? I don’t get it. I don’t expect you to be able to answer that by the way….I’m just telling you the way I feel about it. And I don’t think I know more or better than God either because its Gods world. I just have many questions and thoughts about all this now and I realize that now I must find my own answers that satisfy my soul and mind.
God bless you.